Our CYBERCERT-ificate Dear Reader,
just a few lines to thank you for dropping by; perhaps we should be saying thank you for your hit, but it seems too hard. Please send Holly your poem, she is kindness itself and takes her job very seriously, so don't be prejudiced against her just because she's female and a cat.
And do send us ideas and comments on the site if you feel you can allocate some time to it. We'll appreciate it very much. Please ensure you cloak any negative comment with subtle irony, or such pure flattery that we'll realise you don't mean it (remember though that you'll have to really lay it way over the top, or we'll surely believe every word you say).
As to our CYBERCERT ificate, it's like a quality assurance thing. We check ourselves (you know set up an internal bureaucracy thing with endless forms) to assure you that this website is free of state, governmental or quasi-governmental, institutional or commercial influence. We are not funded by funny money, you know Lottery Grants, Job Link, Business Links, dti, local council, British Council, BBC, charities or any other body charged with getting rid of their balances after meeting the expenses of Chief Executives (you have to pay for the best, don't you?), their management, administrators and staff and all their on-costs, plus the temps who do the work for the staff, not forgetting the lawyers and accountants and other professional advisors, and those essential consultants (cronies), or those essential cars or users' allowances and concomitant expenses, and the "other" expenses, then there's office overheads and "marketing costs", holidays and sick days and additional days off to recover from sick days and to prepare for or recover from bank holidays, and of course miscellaneous costs; all of which add up to essential expenditure spent on behalf of the expenders by the expenders to such degree as to make it clear how essential such expenditure is.
In fact, this site is owned by Terry and Siri. We look after it with the help of Holly, the company cat (admittedly she does run up a few expenses on top of her salary and on-costs, but she's worth every penny, real value for money, you have to pay for the best, don't you?). If you need a really good cat with all the right contacts, and a close friend, and one dedicated to purring on your lap, you just have to pay the market rate (loads of dosh) don't you? Who knows when you might need a job yourself, after all, if you cock everything up so horribly that you have to exit with a huge whack of dosh and a huge pension for life, it would be nice to top it up with a bit of consultancy wouldn't it? In any case, we are required to treat her correctly, she is female and a cat and legislation is pending on treating cats fairly and above all other species of advantage.
With kind regards.
Yours sincerely
Terry & Siri
re-CYBERCERTED by Terry & Siri 01.01.06
Certificate No 000000002